We could translate all the Shadow energy in one word.
It describes a very powerful emotion from which stems out all other negative feelings we have to cope with. It is disappointment.
Let’s have a deep look behind its meaning to help us find the different aspects of our life, past and present in which we feel we have been let down by.
The root of all negative emotions
Disappointment according to online dictionaries is:
-Sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfilment of one's hopes or expectations (Google)
-The feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations or hopes to manifest. Similar to regret, it differs in that a person who feels regret focuses primarily on the personal choices that contributed to a poor outcome, while a person feeling disappointment focuses on the outcome itself. It is a source of psychological stress (Wikipedia).
It is the cause of all our Shadow plane, basically.
We feel disappointment when expected outcomes don't match up to reality. When not understood, and transformed, it becomes the root of every possible negative emotion: dissatisfaction, grief, grudge, pain, frustration, resentment, anger, hate, loathe, contempt, sense of failure, discouragement, despondency, depression, fear, etc - that all lead to the overall feeling of unhappiness.
Those emotions and their focus may be directed inwards or outwards, towards an object, but it really doesn’t matter. The vibe is the same.
The feeling of disappointment, and the emotions it brings, can slowly poison our mind, our outlook on life, our sense of self-worth, our ability to make wise decisions, and the overall of our lives, when it feel like the end of the world.
Meet the Threshold Guard
Disappointment is, of course, an unavoidable part of life. Yet, we have a built in system that wants to avoid it at all costs. In the Shadow work it is called the Threshold Guard.
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A diagram of the SELF |
In essence - it wants to do good. It wants to guard us against all evil, to protect us against bad experiences. What it does - this mechanism - it locks up the uncomfortable emotional energy in the depth of our subconscious. And this energy may become trapped there for ages.
The work of the Threshold Guard is to sort things out: What goes into the dungeon, what stays out in the light of our awareness. We still may have memories or recollections of our mishaps, but the gross of the emotional energy is stored elsewhere. We have no direct access to it. And it is for our good. So it seems.
The energy is stored (locked up) somewhere in the neuron pathways of our bodies, as our bodies are the 'subconscious mind'. From there it creates the sense of stiffness and pain and displeasure, quietly eating out our vital energy. Because - to keep it trapped - we need to pay the Threshold Guard, and we pay with our own energy.
There comes a time when we want to visit this dungeon, to do some internal work, the Shadow work, we want to reflect on our lives. We need information.
The Threshold Guard says, a bit mockingly: 'Of course, there you go, good luck'.
And what we see, after all those years of trapped traumas, is demons living in a state of utter irritation. And we back up quickly. Too much to see, too much to confront. All this energy has been lying there for years, let it stay where it is.
But then our lives turn more and more sour, and we look for answers why that is.
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How we approach disappointments and how we deal with them, internally and externally, becomes our way of life. Life is disappointing, in many ways. When we feel we cannot have our needs and dreams easily and naturally fulfilled - we are becoming more and more disappointed. Those needs are varied - from the internal: the need of being valued, loved, respected, to the external: the need to be well fed and looked after, in general. When our parents, friends fail us, we may take it on board, but when the experience is too painful - we pass it on to the Threshold Guard. And what he says is: 'I will keep it safe for you, so you will feel safe, and avoid any similar situation that caused you this unpleasant feeling of disappointment'.
Disappointment grows and becomes the Shadow-Self. It is an unconscious structure that runs our life on autopilot, rooted in all negativity that we have not been able to transform into the Light of our Conscious-Self.
The decisions we make or not make, the behavior we display, the thoughts we think in the underlying current of the wakeful state - are all coloured by different stages of disappointment in our life, of our Shadow-Self.
What we often do with disappointments is we readily bury them in the subconscious. We avoid feeling the range of negative emotions that arise from disappointing experiences.
What we often do is - we drown our disappointments with a series of random and trivial activities that should cover painful experiences. We stuff ourselves with happy experiences and we seek them extensively. Partying, overeating, oversleeping, binge TV watching, shopping, drinking, tidying up - whatever binge, excessive it is.
The goal of our subconscious guide, the Threshold Guard, who does not want for us any more harm, is to dive into these mindless activities, to avoid any feeling of big and small disappointments.
While distracting yourself with such activities makes you feel happy in the short run, they do not resolve the issue. Soon, you face another situation which leads to disappointment again. Instead of resolving the problem, you turn to more distractions. It is a downward spiral.
Whenever you experience disappointment again, you are pulled down to a lower state of consciousness. There your thoughts are predominantly rooted in negative expressions. Or, in other words - those locked emotions escape for a while. When they break free, you suffer with a burst of anger or depression.
What to do with all this?
Let's try to understand what disappointment is, once again. In the strongly philosophical German language, disappointment is Enttäuschung, that is literally: to stop making mistakes. Täuschen means to confuse, to deceive, to shift something to another place. So Enttäuschung, disappointment, is to bring back something to its rightful place.
So what disappointment tells us here, directly is: 'Stop making this mistake, see the situation in a rightful place.'
In English disappoint is traced to the Old French desapointer. In literal meaning, it is to remove from office. Since the 18th century it is recorded in English as an emotional state of frustrations and dejection.
When we feel disappointed it is like we have fallen from Grace. We thought we are Very Important Person, but - bang!, landed on the floor, face down. Eliminated and frustrated.
In the mystical tradition it is an energy that teaches us about the trickstery of life, and of course it seems a rather hard lesson. However it is in our power to how we react to it, how we rise up to life challenges. A short feeling of disappointment is normal. A prolonged disappointment in many areas of life is something we need to heal.
On lower stages of our consciousness we want the positive in life, while feeling aversion to everything we perceive as negative/disappointing. Focusing more on the negative, we train ourselves into our own suffering. We are not able to change our focus when a lot of Shadowland is inhabited by the ghosts of our past.
Carl Jung started his Shadow Work with the words: 'It appears that you want to flee from yourself'. In other words - we want to avoid something all the time. Our attention is based on 'escape' mode, not 'embrace' mode. This takes a lot of energy.
Anytime we feel trapped in our life, when we do not feel we live life to the full - we live in a state of partial unconsciousness. Parts of ourselves had been cut off. To be full and to live full we need to bring them back to Light. We need to have the courage to bring suffering back to our awareness and grow through it.
We reduce our consciousness and our maturity by avoiding those uncomfortable feelings. We create our own hell of constant dissatisfaction. It is time to meet the Threshold Guard, once again.
Practice of Presence
We need a practice of presence in order to do it effectively. It is what meditation and mindfulness teaches. We need to learn to be in a more aware state of mind, we need to expand our consciousness, broaden our horizons.
It is a subtle work.
'Presence' is a simultaneous awareness of your body, emotional state, and inner dialogue (that is going on constantly in the background of your mind). By practising it - you are becoming ready to face your inner demons. You are more able to notice them at least, and with practice - accept and embrace. You have the ability to acknowledge, in a moment of intimate recognition, that they are part of your life. You don't need to bury them anymore, you don't need to be ashamed anymore.
Then, we are prepared to face our disappointments in real life. We now understand how our hurt feelings can make our life miserable that we never wished for.
We have the energy and awareness to allow the pain of disappointment arise, and we are able to say: “Hah, this is disappointing. It does feel unpleasant. I can feel it all over my body. It is rather contracting my abilities, at the moment. I let it be here, until it fades away, naturally.”
Open to the experience, accept it and let it pass through your mind, body, spirit. Do not let it lay frozen and buried in your system for another year, at it affects your whole reality, right now.
Life is neutral in its essence. It needs flow and movement. It needs free expression of e-motion.
Sorrow is a natural response to loss, but grief is an unwillingness to accept what is.
